Hi,
My wife and I met in 2001. We had many great early years together travelling the world, and one day settled down and bought a house together and started a family. We always got on well with each other with few arguments and a generally calm and peaceful household. I started a business ands things were going well. After 20 years together i decided to propose to her, which she accepted. We then had a stressful period of buying out my business partner, and that gave my wife silent migraines where she saw lights but no pain. It was then discovered after her GP referred her for an mri scan that she had scarring on her frontal lobe left Side. Sheād had a mild stoke at some point. After that she has taken half an aspirin every day since. She has only had the same experience of lights twice since in 6 years.
After that we got married. It was delayed because of Covid.
We thought everything was fine and got on with life. We had ups and downs like any young families. She got a new job that she loved more than anything. one day a few days after our fourth wedding anniversary last year after an argument about nothing, all of a sudden it was like a switch had gone off in her and she told me she didnāt love me anymore and wanted to leave me.
I was shocked and distraught and wanted to understand how this just came out of the blue. I looked back through photos and messages, and slowly realised that since we have been married there was a slow decline in her interest in doing things with me, texting me less. It was subtle and didnāt think much of it at the time although I did at the time ask her a couple of times and she told me itās the stress of work and everything was fine and she loved me more than anything.
But since the āswitchā went, she tells me she is emotionally numb and that she is a different person now, and wants to be alone and independent.
She has lost all motivation to go running, eat healthy and generally do anything as a family.
Her emotional attachment was very secure but now she appears avoidant. Cold and distant. Itās hard at home keeping things normal whilst the kids are seemingly unaware.
She behaves normally around family friends and work.
We have had a very stable calm and loving family home with 2 great boys. 12 and 15. The eldest is starting his mock exams soon and is doing really well. We are so proud of them both. But now all of a sudden she is prepared to break it all apart without wanting to try and resolve it. And potentially upsetting his exams too.
Then recently I had a sudden realisation that decline was all since the stroke and I started to look into it.
I came across post stroke apathy and that after 5 years it can increase 10%.
Her part of the brain affected was white matter that means apathy can come on slowly.
I tried to carefully talk to her about it but she is sure that it is nothing to do with it and that itās not apathy.
But the more I read about it and the part of the brain it affected, the more I am convinced.
We are close to telling the boys we are divorcing and I really donāt want to do it especially close to his mock exams.
So I desperately pleaded that she at least speak to a GP and see if she can be referred so they can look into it.
She has agreed to give them a call and I have left it with her.
am I right to try and pursue this with a chance of getting it diagnosed and treated, or should I just accept her feelings and prepare to move on?
Itās so hard as a feel I canāt blame her for this and want to save our family.
Like after stroke is s**t
sorry to hear that. It sounds like your both having a tough time. I hope your wife changes her mind and helps you cope with your stroke. Iām not in any relationship so I canāt comment. Try and seek marriage counseling. Also, talk to friends and relatives about the situation. Sooner or later, everything will come out. Best to do so ASAP.