Hi, I just wanted to add to this great advice, as I also went down a similar route and it really helped! Be it medication, talking therapy, something else, or a combo of different things, it can make a big difference.
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Hi @Marie123 , Iām new to this forum. My husband had a stroke on 13th September this year. I can really relate to your first post and am so sorry youāre going through this.
Iām feeling overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety about the future. My husband is 49 and doctors have said heās unlikely to work or walk again.
How are you and your husband doing now?
Xxx
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Hi Lara, I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you but my life is ruled by work and caring for my husband. I am sorry to hear your husband had a stroke too; it is overwhelming and so stressful. My husband had his stroke in March and he can no longer use a phone or a computer and communicating is difficult. I can relate to what you are going through and whilst I donāt want to share too much here, I still feel anxious and sometimes drained. I am not sure where you are based but I am in London and can help if you have any questions regarding hospitals etc. I hope you are surrounded by friends and family, I am coping with working full time and being a carer on my own. Take care of yourself and please donāt hesitate to get in touch.
Marie xx
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Hi Marie, sorry to hear about your struggles. Iāll send you a message x
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It has been over a year and I am still not coping; itās probably eve worse now. I am trying to juggle a stressful full-time job with multiple hospital appointments for my husband. I save my annual leave for that. I am an unofficial carer for my husband as his aphasia and apraxia of speech mean that he needs me to be his voice.
I became a carer overnight; I am no longer a wife. I just manage stuff - his life, his health, work, housework, laundry. I didnāt ask for this but I donāt have a choice. I have no support and find that people donāt understand what itās like to constantly juggle. āFriendsā have disappeared and no, I am not depressed, I donāt need sympathy, I just never asked for this. The role of the silent carer is a tough one and a delicate one because of the tragedy caused by strokes.
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Hello Marie,
I think this is the first time I am replying to your post. Nice to e-meet you 
It seems you have had a tough time since your world turned upside down in an instant when your husband had a stroke and became dependent on others for his care. You as his wife have taken the brunt of it and from what you say this has not been easy as you have your job which is stressful.
I am a full-time carer and do this 24/7 with help from my siblings and I gave up my job to facilitate this set-up. Like you it was something that happened in an instant and responsibilities multiplied. Itās true we didnāt ask for it but it has happened and we have to learn to deal with it. How we do it depends on any number of things and it can come down to personal choices that we are or are not prepared to make.
I feel you have done amazingly well but at the same time you might benefit from help. To that end, have you had any one discuss your husbandās care needs and how they should be met and has anyone talked to you about your needs as a primary carer with a full-time job?
Friends do tend to shy away at times like these but ātrueā friends are there for you but might need a bit of encouragement. What I mean by that is sometimes we have to make the call rather than wait for them to call. I keep in touch with my friends and though it is hard to meet up (nigh on impossible) we can still talk on the phone or e-chat etc.
I am lucky as I have siblings who are able to share the load, but I feel that if they werenāt there I would be happy to look for help e.g. from care agencies, charities (not sure how old your husband is and if for example Age UK or similar might be able to offer some support).
Where I live, there are carers groups that you can join for support and respite. You can meet with other carers and swap notes etc.
I am not suggesting it is easy, but there are things you can do to help yourself and your husband.
You do not have to suffer in silence. There may well be other carers right here on this forum in a situation similar to you and it may be possible for you to swap notes etc.
If nothing else, you can come on here to let off steam, have a chuckle or learn new skills.
I would suggest you might want to talk to your GP or social services or someone who can discuss your particular situation and see what sort of help might be available.
You have been trying to cope and by your own admission you are not coping and things are getting worse which is totally understandable.
If I may say, this is not true. You are absolutely still a wife and only a loving wife would do what you have done which is to stand by your man. You say you donāt want sympathy and so wonāt give you any, however, if I may I would like to say how much I admire and respect what you have done all by yourself. It is truly amazing and I am sure you husband knows this and he is grateful you are there for him.
I wish you and your husband all the best.
It is a tough road you are on, but you are doing amazingly well.
Well done!
Namaste|
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