Mum is finding it hard to care for my dad

thanks Marilyn. Yes there is a Stroke Team in the area - they have been great but are limited in what they can do right now. My dad is exactly the same with my mum as your husband is with you. I'm just so worried about her sanity at the moment - she's not getting any sort of break. Me and my brother try to help out as much as we can but we cannot be there 24 hours a day. Now that he has turned agreesive, she is wary about being on her own with him. A private carrer sounds like the solution but unfortunately, I don't think this is something that my mum could afford.  Thank you so much for your advice xx

thank you Ann. We are tyring to get Dad to agree to go into respite for 2 weeks but he is very reluctant at the moment. If he doesn't agree, there is nothing that we can do. My mum really needs a break but my dad just can't see it. His attitude is "what about me?". Hopefully we'll get some joy with repspite soon. Thanks. Jess xx

It's very worrying as it sounds as though things are escalating.  Well done for getting him to agree to speaking to a counsellor, let's hope that happens soon.  Mum might also need some support, advice, and strategies to deal with Dad's behaviour.  I've read the replies from others and you have had good suggestions.  

Thinking of you and hoping there will soon be some answers for all of you.  


things are escalating.....its not having a good effect on my mum. thank you so much xx

Hi Jess

you may find a carer more affordable if you advertise privately and don't go through an agency. However do take up all references.  I found my carer by word of mouth.  She works self employed so I am not involved with tax or stamps etc. Marylin

Dear Jess

There isnt anything that will force Dad in to a care home.

There isnt any reason why Mum should suffer the abuse

My change of personality, including temper and anger, has not reverted to prestroke levels. I get really annoyed  about things. I am five years post stroke. So i think the personality change is permanent.

i do think mum could go out for an hour each day. This desperate covid makes things far worse, but Mum should not be held a prisoner.


Thank you


Where there's a will there's a way.  You Dad is probably a very strong person.  That will help him in his journey toward wellness.  Regular physio will improve his spirits. I had electric (like a tens unit) stimulation as well to wake up my nerves. ) Keep a short log of what he does, so he can see in black and white how he is improving.  When he's able to, he can work on things when he's not in therapy.  I used to squeeze a silly putty-like ball while watching TV to strengthen my hand.   It's amazing how the body can improve.  I don't know the extent of your dad's brain damage, so I don't want to make any promises, but as I said I was completely paralyzed on my left side and now 2 1/2 years later I walk normally 1 1/4 miles a day and play the ukelele.  I tire easily and progress was slow and I am not yet back to my old self, but I'm working on it.  My friend said it took her 4 years to feel lik herself again.  Like the tortoise, "slow and steady wins the race".  Love, Jeanne

Thank you. These are great ideas . So glad to hear you've made so much progress xx