How to help my partner

Hi, my partner suffered two strokes a week apart in April/May. Since then he has suffered with fatigue, regular headaches and sickness. He is also struggling in himself as he is only 36 and we have children (one of which is 18 months). We have quite a busy and hectic life and I try to support him as much as possible all the time but I am just looking for any other advice from people in his situation for how to help him and what I can do to ease any pressures.

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Hi Beccalou I’m so sorry this has happened to your partner, stroke affects the whole family, and it also takes a bit of time to adjust to the whole situation and the different roles we all move into. I was 41 when I had mine a busy mum of two small children. They too have adapted and changed with me, I am so proud of them for this and the kindness and love they have shown, has been amazing. I’m sending best wishes and all the best for your partner’s recovery, your partner will need a lot of rest while the brain heals and recovers, difficult I know with an 18 month old, keep us posted x

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Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It’s very difficult to come to terms with such a life changing event, especially at such a uoung age. I was 47 when i had my stroke last year, and i too have a young family. My advice to you and your partner is to firstly accept that there is no quick fix and this will most likely take months or even years to fully recover, but it will get better. He must rest, a lot, sleep when he feels the need and expect to feel exhausted when doing very little. Even watching Tv is exhausting because your brain will try to follow and pay attention to what you are watching. As the brain uses all of the available energy to heal, and it takes a lot, this will leave very little energy for anything else. This includes talking and staying awake. I presume your partner is on medication for sickness and headaches. He needs to be, but these meds will contribute to feeling sleepy. He will most likely do what parents do and feel the need to do with the children what he could do before, but trust me when i say, he must rest and not feel guilty for this. He will benefit in the long run and he is still in the early days. You haven’t said much about the other physical issues that stroke leaves you with. I suspect that this has severely affected his daily living and he now needs you to care for him. You might need financial assistance also from the systems that we pay into during our working lives, but don’t expect that these systems will just support you without a fight. If you claim PIP you will need to get medical evidence from your doctor and your OT. It must clearly state how hes been affected and what help/assistance he needs. I assume he has an OT and Physio to support him in his recovery. Stroke rehab is very important. Sorry if I’m wrong in my presumptions. I just want to give you as much advice as possible. My stroke rehab team have been my rock, along with my amazing husband. Don’t forget to look after yourself too. Stroke affects the whole family and its traumatic. You need to offload too. Trying to carry this on your own will quickly wear you down. Try to eat well and stay hydrated. The thing i really needed from my family in the very early days was to find pleasure in the little things like hearing the children laugh. Things need to remain as normal as they can and it will make him feel more guilty if he sees you trying to keep the children away so they’re quiet. My husband did this for a while and i had to explain how this made me feel. Cuddles from family are important. It made me feel grateful to have survived every time i saw my children, even though life was so hard and still is. Its very sad that this has happened to your family and you will all grieve for what you had before. This is a normal response, so don’t deny yourselves this. The fact that your husband is very young should serve him well in his recovery. I hope I’ve been helpful here. If you need any more advice, feel free to contact again. Take care all of you and keep reminding your husband how much he is loved and needed. :pray::crossed_fingers:

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Thank you both so much. It’s been a hard adjustment and I think a lot of it is him processing that he’s the same person but different now. He’s fought it ALOT and been very stubborn trying to carry on as normal which has made him worse, but the last couple of weeks he has slowly started to accept that he needs to learn his pace and listen to his body. I have explained that when he feels able to it would help him to tell me what I can do to help him. Fingers crossed for everyone, my grandad is still suffering the effects of his stroke from two years ago but I had not ever realised how much he struggled until this all happened to my partner. To everyone living with the after affects of a stroke I genuinely admire each and every one of you and your families because it’s bloody hard some days!

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@Beccalou hi & welcome to the forum. Sorry you’ve had cause to join us.

As @smeadows1975 says rest is very important for your partner & trying to plough on can be counterproductive & could delay his recovery. It’s very difficult when you have kids (my recovery was hard enough without kids being around) but his brain really does need lots of rest. Even the simplest of things can ve exhausting to start with.

It does improve over time though & there are lots of reasons to be hopeful.

Don’t forget to look after yourself too as stroke is life changing for everyone not just the survivor.

Best wishes

Ann x

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Welcome

@Beccalou wow this must be so hard for you right now. As well as your partner you need to look after yourself - you’ll be no good to him if you exhaust yourself too.

I had 3 10 months ago - two frontal lobes and one occipital leaving me with hemianopia on the right amongst other stuff. I have found it so useful to share on here and have got some great advice.

There are lots of bits and pieces on this forum to help you and someone will send you the welcome stuff soon I’m sure

@EmeraldEyes @SimonInEdinburgh @Rups @Bobbi

I’m only TL2 so I’ll leave that one to you guys!!

If you need any help or assistance with things like what benefits and stuff are available let me know and I’ll try and help!! check my topic ‘extra help and concessions’ but it’s a bit messy and my stroke brain is only slowly getting it into some kind or order!! if you need help navigating the forum then there is also help - tutorials etc…

Can I ask a couple of things please?

What strokes did he have? Has he been disagnosed with any specific post stroke disorders?

You will find that if you use the search icon on the top right of this forum (I use a laptop) you will probably come up with lots of other posts about it.

Where are you based?

Stay cool :polar_bear: :wink:

Here is a picture of a Polar Bear to cheer you up!!

Mother, 1-year-old son killed in Alaska polar bear attack | AP News

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Have a look at this link. They have a pack for anyone with children when the parent has had a stroke.
https://differentstrokes.co.uk/stroke-information/information-pack/

Different Strokes also have a very good Facebook closed group too.

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Ah ha - I saw this post yesterday and lost it which made me sad because I wanted to welcome you to the forum @Beccalou

I agree everything that has been said above.
I’m going to specially repeat the “look after yourself reach out for all the support you can get”. Pam’s suggestion of the Different Strokes pack is a good one for kids. Also we’ve put of the often repeated stuff into a welcome post tap the blue text
It will tell you how to search this forum, it contains links a link to a post of hundreds of support groups throughout the country also to some of our best posts from years gone by

As always have said this is a good place to reach out for help, also to vent and rant if/when you need to full of people who do actually understand because they are walking the same path they happen to just be ahead of you. The vast majority of us are finding there is a rich rewarding life post stroke, that is better month on month - but it is a journey where the progress is measured in months and years not days and weeks.

So it’s a marathon and not burning yourself out of the beginning is important if you are to reach the halfway stage with energy left to finish the journey.

I’m sorry you’ve had to join us but you are now in a good place as a result

Ciao

Simon

Ps @KGB there’s nothing special about providing a link to the welcome post that it falls within the TL3 and not within the TL2 abilities :slight_smile:

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