Hello simon, very interested in what you say about ‘the silver linings’ of stroke being ‘at least equal to the losses and may even surpass them in time.’ Wow, after 3 years i’m just about over my stroke which was without doubt the most horrible thing that ever happened to me on planet Earth. But now that i can walk & talk again, i’m noticing changes in everything i do & think; like daring to believe the fantastic notion that my stroke has actually improved me! That my damaged brain has somehow ‘rewired’ itself with all the benefits of 60 years hindsight & opened thrilling new perspectives on existence. Wow & this is only the beginning!
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Hi Hi Apple I know exactly how you feel as do many other on here i suspect, in some respects i was luck did not get my stroke until I was nearly 80 but like you cannot get past what we my wife and i have lost driving about playing tennis my lovely little gardening business holidays abroad, jumping a train to spend the day at borough market, have pie and mash at the Barrow Boy on London Bridge on the way home, trips to see my daughter in croydon, and my eldest son in southampton all gone in the space of a few minutes, ok i am a stroke survivor but it is breaking my heart to watch my lovely wife deal with it all have now ben diagnosed with level 3 kidniy decease as well so now know my future.
wake in the morning with my guts churning, and do truly now want do die what I have left is not a life but a miserable existence. his a truly awful statement and should not and will not be repeated. many of you here have been truly herioc in you support of me since february and I admire your fortitude and courage in your new life post stroke you are all amazing. i will not post here again.
Love to you all
xxxxx
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Thanx for pointing me towards that kirk douglas’ biog, just been reading it, i mean i didn’t even know he’d had a stroke, nor mel torme or burt lancaster either for that matter. Wow, so many folk have had strokes, almost as if its normal! Y’see, even got my sense of humour back!
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I had 2 strokes in 2021. I am 60 & still work full time, but there isn’t a day I don’t think about what happened 3 years ago & what my life would have been if it hadn’t happened.
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Hi I’d just like to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread Thankyou for being so honest and it’s made me realise the feelings I have sometimes are just normal after a life changing stroke . Acceptance is the key I think 
best wishes to you all x
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I have been thinking alot about this recently, just over 3 years now.
Life has changed dramatically from where I saw it going. Dismissed from work, ongoing balance, vision, cognitive difficulties.
Part of my problem currently is I am still comparing what I could do to what I can now.
I have adapted but maybe not fully accepted and the grief for that lost self is, at times, incapacitating.
Will it ever ease?
Reading these posts especially the one from @tony_cave ( thank you) gives me perspective and helps me to look at it logically. I am in some sort of second round of coming to terms with my situation.
The first time I managed to achieve challenging stuff from before I was hugely grateful it was happening at all, in whatever form I managed it. It sowed a seed of hope that with time and effort I could move further towards the capabilities I had.
I have to see that continuing to push within the limits of what I am able is the form of acceptance I need to nurture.
Giving up is not an option.
I am grateful I have made the progress I have, but maybe need to allow myself to admit sadness from time to time. It potentially blurs into self pity, but accepting that and pushing on regardless is another acceptance I need to work on.
As @christine2 has recently posted, “acceptance is key” and finding whatever is necessary to facilitate that, be it adaptation or change in attitude is all part of this challenging post stroke journey.
Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread, Julia x
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Hi Julia
It was so uplifting to read your post and to realise that I had in some way helped you to come to terms with what has happened to you and that you are in a frame of mind to move forward.
Acceptance is indeed a key element as you need to accept that you will need to work around some aspects.
I found that doing things in short bursts and taking frequent rest in between allowed me to work around the fatigue that many of us experience.
best wishes
Tony
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Sorry to hear you’re feeling that way. Good luck to you & your wife I really hope you find some joy again xx
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@Al59 similar to me. I was very active before stroke, I retired a bit early 2 years before stroke and had never been so happy. Yes push through but it’s soooo hard to do that, especially with bad fatigue.
18 months on I am Still fighting against accepting the new me, sounds selfish to compare to a bereavement but it is. I miss myself! 
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Hi Simon
Sorry for the delay but I’m being distracted by the temperatures in sunny Kalkan in Turkey. We are out for a month.
I got involved with Dundee University who are running a project which uses text messaging to support individuals to undertake walking as a means of exercise.
I was involved from the start and became a full
Project Team member representing PPI interests.
That led to being involved with a project GCU is running.
I’m enjoying it immensely. Gets what’s left of my grey matter moving again.
K
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Hi All
I have read all of the posts and agree that its “acceptance” that’s the key. I know I will never be the same as before I had my stroke, but the challenges of what I can do keeps me going. I know and fully accept (now) that I will never be the same. Sure I miss driving and going abroad and walks etc but Im sure the majority agree that every little achievement is a success .I have recently started using public transport to get about instead of driving everywhere. When I feel tired or fatigued I just sit down and “watch the world” go by. Its been a real help to read the the reactions of stroke survivors and your stories and support and that’s really helped me realise that there is life after having a stroke. So thanks guys/galls, your “insights and experiences” have helped me no end ,so life goes on “post” stroke and I know Im not alone. Thanks again. Mike, AKA Hobbes .
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I know exactly how you feel. Yes, you can still get about and you feel grateful for that. But you’re allowed to wallow a little now and then , sometimes the pressure to remain positive at all times can be painful. I feel very similar. Wishing you well in your recovery. 
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My husband’s stroke has shocked and devastated us all. He is right handed and sadly the stroke affected all his right side. His speech and eyesight have also been affected. He is trying to do everything with his left hand. He can’t unwrap sweets or open packets, he can’t pull his shorts off and hold onto the toilet frame. He can’t get in the car yet. He can’t cut his food up. He can’t see well enough to read more than a few words. He can’t make himself a coffee if I nip to the shops as stupid me left it out of his reach.
We are all very sad as we watch him when he cries and says he is hopeless and asks me to help him end it all. His worst fear was always that he would end up depending on others and unable to do very much. Now we are in that place.
He puts on a big show for the physios and speech therapists and works really hard but when they’ve gone he gets really upset. I tell him repeatedly of all the small improvements he has made but he says he is still useless.
This is an honest description of what life is like for us since the Stroke so I hope it doesn’t upset anybody.
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Hi Tracy, thank you for sharing your story with us.
This is a really tricky one @Trisha2. What you say is indeed an honest description of life as it is for you and your husband since the Stroke and human nature being what it is, it may well upset some and others not so much.
Without knowing the details of you and your husband’s situation it is not easy to make a meaningful comment or suggestion, but these days, I often find myself trying to think positively and trying to see the glass half full. I can’t say for sure if I have always been like that or whether it is a new thing to me. But as I see and hear these sort of stories and reports, I think what is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I believe and always have that we humans are remarkable in what we are capable of and what we can achieve and if you look around there are plenty of examples of this. We are all different and unique and potentially we (more or less) have the same chance to set and achieve goals.
As I sit here writing this, I can say that I no longer think of what might have been and what I cannot do. I just look forward to what could be and how I might get there. As per my belief that human beings are remarkable and I am a human being and therefore I too must be remarkable, I can only think that if I set myself [achievable] goals and keep trying, I will succeed.
Start small, build on it and you never know what you might achieve. Well actually, I do know what I will achieve - I will achieve what I set out to do, or I will die trying. This makes life worth living for. Not just that, having friends and family around gives me more incentive to carry on, for they bring joy in my life and I like to think I bring joy in there lives.
Namaste|
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@Trisha2 thats a very honest account of what you are all going through right now. It must be very tough for you to see how your husband is and hear how horrid he is finding things. None of us can understand what it is like for you as it is you living that life.
If I can offer some hope things can and very often do improve over time with stroke. Some of it is about finding ways to adapt & finding aids that can help. I remember being in hospital not abke tonuse my left arm & the nurses bought me my yoghurt gor dinner but hadn’t opened it. I was determined I was going to eat it so after a bit of thought I stuck tte yoghurt pot between my knees & used my other hand to open it. Ideal No, Messy yes but I got my yoghurt.
Some of it is about putting in the time needed to do the rehab & a lot of that has to be done when the physios aren’t around.
Most of us have to go through an acceptance process & also a grief process. Grieving for the life we lost and didn’t want to lose. The new life can be a good one though.
It sounds like your husband may need some help to get past this stage & perhaps a chat with the GP would help.
Sending you both my very best wishes.
Ann
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