Thank you for all your kind words and advice.
Believe it or not I am actually a trained counsellor for a mental health charity, just trying to take my own good advice right now.
I’m headed back up to the hospital shortly so hoping she’s had a good sleep
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@nsw72 just remember this is a massive adjustment for you all & it’ll take time.
Every activity your mum does will be exhausting - showering, talking, eating etc. I still find showering exhausting 20 months on. When I was in hospital a 1 sentence conversation with the lady in the next bed made me very ill & they had to fet the dr to me. I’d never have believed it if i hadn’t experienced it myself.
Good to hear she’s eaten & drunk today.
Hope you have a good visit tonight.
Take care.
Ann xx
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I’ve eaten but I wish I was drunk!! 
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She was sleeping heavily so my Dad and Brother came home and we left her to sleep.
Hoping she is feeling brighter tomorrow x
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Even counsellor need regular counselling you know that don’t you?
And ‘Here For You’ service is for the carers too you know Weekly volunteer calls | Stroke Association So take advantage for the sake of your mental wellbeing and give them a call
Or join @SimonInEdinburgh’s Zoom Cafe on Thursday and talk with member from forum.
Do you remember the heat exhaustion we all experience during heatwave here? Well if you double that feeling them may quadruple it, that’s how exhausted your mum will have felt just after her shower. In the beginning it’s very short burst of energy followed by long bouts of exhaustion and that is all natural and to be expected. The sooner you can come to terms with and accept this pattern of bouts of energy and exhaustion, the sooner you will slow this roller coaster ride of emotional highs and lows in yourself, it must be exhausting for you too. This will take a lot out of you…if you let…relax!
When I read posts like yours I thank crunchy for the lockdowns when I was in hospital and my family couldn’t visit. Phone calls from the nurses station was all the updates my hubby got and I’m sure they were very positive and reassuring about me 
I’m glad he never saw what you see in your mum. Be warned though, inside you have a perfectly “normal” mum, it can be like being trapped inside a glass box, she take in everything around her she just can’t get much out…just yet!
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Such great advice, thank you.
It would almost feel easier if we couldn’t visit for as long as we can. It makes sense that over a 6 Hr period she is going to have some times where she’s exhausted and doesn’t want to engage, just I seem to be the one that happens to, but as long as she is brighter at some point that’s okay.
I do need to slow the rollercoaster down, you’re so right. The posts I am reading from you guys is helping.
I guess I’m not yet used to my life being flipped upside down, I’m self employed to can’t work right now (I’m a driving instructor) as I just don’t have the concentration. My day is just revolving round Mum (& Dad).
I’m going to check the links out as I am sure I’d link from the the chats
Thanks again for holding my hand in this, you’re all amazing x
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Thanks Simon
it’s an irony that I am a MH counsellor, it’s not a benefit at this point! My area is with young people in MH crisis so I don’t profess to have a clue where I am with this situation.
I’ll try and join the chat tomorrow, thank you.
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Hi @nsw72, I don’t get on here to post very often but saw your message and wanted to say a quick Hi. My Mum had an Ischaemic stroke nearly three and a half years ago. She has left side weakness and other post stroke issues such as fatigue and chronic anxiety, and my Sister and I are her full time carers.
As someone who has been in a similar position as you - I can say that whatever / however you are feeling at the moment is completely normal. A stroke comes out of nowhere and turns life completely upside down for everyone. All you can do is go day by day, seeing what it holds and responding as necessary. Don’t think too far forward, and as everyone has said - recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s natural to feel scared, powerless, sad, angry and wonder how you will cope with what is to come. The answer is you will - it just happens.
There are good days, bad days and everything in between. I would suggest finding out as much as you can about the severity of your Mum’s stroke, the potential for physio / rehab and what her likely recovery will be. Ask lots of questions and follow up anything you’re not certain of. Information and more importantly - understanding what it means is key, as it will allow you to help her in the best way.
I’d suggest keeping a journal for yourself (somewhere you can vent and put your feelings down) and a diary for Mum so you can see progress when it comes.
Which it will - but it will take time, patience and probably the odd swear word here and there. From both of you !
You will find lots of good advice, comfort and understanding on this forum. You’re not alone - you can get through it.
Wishing you all the best,
Karen
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@nsw72 Hi. Just a small crumb that might help. I’m 67 now but on my 10th birthday my Dad took a massive stroke. We were sitting at the table having a wee party. 
. Dad complained of a headache and that was that, for many months. What I was eating at the time is as fresh in my mind now as it was 56 years ago. Mincemeat Tart and custard 
. Dad wasn’t well enough to be moved from home for a few days, to hospital. I desperately wanted to see him but Mum wouldn’t allow it. When I thought the coast was clear, I sneaked in to his bedroom. Mum unknown to me was there. I got shouted at to get out. She meant well and was trying to protect me but it was the opposite. To this day I still feel the pain and worry. Dad recovered to go back to work after many months with some disability. I can see myself in some of what you are experiencing. Hope it’s off help to know others have been through similar emotional times. Kind regards, Ian.
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In those early days after my stroke (nearly 3yrs ago now) I spent an awful lot of time just sitting and doing absolutely nothing…in between rehab exercises both physical and mental. Sometimes I would sleep, other times I would just sit and stare off into oblivion…both in hospital and when I came home. Sometimes I’d tv and then just turn off after 15mins and just be! I had my perky, lively moments and then suddenly I’d be quiet. My hubby would be in the middle of telling me something, maybe about work, or I’d be in the middle of performing a task, and I’d have to just shut down. My brain had basically shut down to rest or process or whatever. It had taken overall control of me and it brooked no argument. I had to do what my brain wanted me to do, not what I wanted to do, she was in charge now. That’s how I always looked at it anyway 
I couldn’t communicate in those early days either orally or in writing and I still have a touch of aphasia. But between us my family soon figured out our way around communication, which help them to not feel so darn guilty for not being able to do anything for me. Truth was I didn’t need anything and when I did I’d signal for it.
I’m only telling you all this to give you an idea of what you can expect as the days and months go on. So don’t feel “dismissed” or unappreciated if your does anything like that. It’s just her brain in charge and she can’t argue with it
Your skill in MH is going to be very much an asset to your mum in the months to come. So don’t ever imagine you are useless. My daughter is studying psychology and she has been such blessing to have around. She’s been able to tell me all that’s going on my head and so reassuring that what is happening is perfectly normal, understandable or to be expected throughout the various stages of my recovery. It’s been good for her too in her studies 
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I hope to meet you tomorrow!
Please tell your mum that I’m having ITSU prawn gyoza for supper tonight and I’m a bit of a prawn nut too!
Not that easy to get seal meat in the UK…
K
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Et voila!!
I really do like prawns!!
Thanks JP - nailed them this time! (I put the chopsticks out so really I did it )
Stay cool
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I have indeed been keeping a journal so I can remember what happens each day and to get it all out of my head. I am sure it will be an interesting read one day!
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So today we have had two things…
- Her right eye is looking lazy and dilated. She says she can see okay. It was a bit like this yesterday but the doc checked it and it seemed to go back to normal. Same again today so another doc has looked at it and will follow up tomorrow. They didn’t seem overly concerned. All her obs are good.
- I had a long chat with her OT today - Mum hasn’t been able to walk using the stick for two days which she had been. She has spinal stenosis which radiates into her leg plus PMR so she does have mobility issues. But the OT noticed there are some inconsistencies- she leans to one side in her chair but to the opposite when stood up. This amongst other things leads her to believe she may have FND. her bleed has also affected her Corona Radiata and there is some evidence that those with PMR are more susceptible to FND.
She has emailed Psych for an assessment and if it is FND then she will have psych therapies. This may mean a longer rehab before she’s home but I’d rather that than sending her home without the right treatment.
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I only use Dingbats Arctic notebooks and I have to put extra stickers on them because I am mad. They cost approx £20 each and I go through them like a vindaloo through JP a couple of weeks ago 
I am now on number 4 in 10 months and have one left unopened! Discount them soon please Jeff B.
But I really do recommend them - just for my mental health I write in big capital letters and it helps me. I’m just so grateful I can write something!!
eg (sorry for profanity)
And also planners - I have so so many appointments that I can’t cope with phone / tablet / laptop stuff so I have 1 a4 page per week polar bear (of course) planners
I also think they will also be a good read one day for someone!!!
Stay cool
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Sounds like brilliant progress at least in terms of understanding a bit more and getting a bit more info - can’t pretend to know what all of those things are but all I will say is I believe in your mum!!!
xx
Stay cool
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How old is your mum, you never said, because her age might be a determinant that limits functional recovery from her stroke as well as her general health condition prior. I won’t lie to you, stroke recovery is a long slow climb, we are talking years as opposed to weeks or months
It’s only been a week and the brain has a lot of work to do it right again as best it can. It takes 6mths for the brain to heal and recover and it will be two steps forward and step back all the way. It can seem very frustrating and even worrying at times but that’s the way it is.
And there will be certain things you’ll to have in place when she does come home but don’t let her leave hospital or rehab without any of this in place and a full home care plan come the day
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I don’t know if you’ve already seen this post, but there are some useful insight from many perspectives in it, so worth a read through the posts some time. Useful links too.
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My Mum is 77, but I like to say a young 77 if that makes sense? Very engaged, interested and usually talks to lots of people. She worked in a psychiatric hosp for 17 yrs so is very switched on to medical/ psych - obvs not with herself at this point.
My Dad is 85, but again very active and bright for his age.
I am 51 and my brother 4 yrs older.
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My mum was a psychiatric nurse, my daughter wants to go into that too, though she’s not yet decide in what area specifically. When she decided she want go go into psychology, it was with a view to working on the therapy side for the young similar to you. I myself find my whole stroke recovery journey fascinating. I wouldn’t have wished on myself but out of all my siblings, we all agree I’m the best one to cope with it
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