# Guilt **URL:** \ **Category:** Emotional effects\ **Created:** [18 February 2023 09:43 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198 "2023-02-18T09:43:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 09:43 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/1 "2023-02-18T09:43:43Z")
Feeling s of guilt Does anyone have feelings of guilt over their stroke I sometimes feel I have let the family down, failed them in that my body failed forcing an unnecessary burden on my wife and children, I am her to look after them not the other way around Struggle sometimes but bu tam I unique in my thoughts ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 12:39 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/4 "2023-02-18T12:39:42Z")
Thanks for the wise words,Mahoney Will try to absorb them and let go of my negative feelings. My recovery is my biggest priority and my driving force until I get to a state I’m comfortable with. That may be some years in the future ---
**Author:** ![Susan\_Jane](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@Susan\_Jane](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/Susan_Jane)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 13:29 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/5 "2023-02-18T13:29:55Z")
Hi, you are not unique and I certainly still have feelings of guilt. I’m 6 years post stroke and still have those feelings when I’m going through a rough patch. I’ve said to my husband that it would have been easier if I hadn’t survived my hemorrhagic stroke and that they could have moved on without me being a burden.His reply is unprintable!! I know these thoughts are not good for me but it’s hard to shake them off when you’re feeling down. I’m always encouraging my husband to go out and enjoy himself without me but then I feel guilty because I know he worries if I’m on my own. I just try to struggle through and make tomorrow a better day. Take care and keep keeping on. Regards Sue ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 13:53 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/6 "2023-02-18T13:53:23Z")
Hi Sue I’m lucky my wife loves walking and train our year old Labrador, which keeps her sane thankfully plus evening’s out with our daughter, the local carers group has walks and meals to keep them all positive. I know you still feel guilty after even 6 years but surely you have a fare amount of normal life operating as you want it and I ha discussed the should have died but and everyone family and friends say they would rather have me as I am than not at all so take heart you are wanted and loved and contribute to their lives, just hang in there it will come good, that’s the talking to I give myself so we need to keep each other on the path to recovery ---
**Author:** ![TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/trfcandy53/32/4421_2.png) [@TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/TRFCANDY53)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 14:31 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/7 "2023-02-18T14:31:01Z")
Great words Mark…sums up my thoughts exactly…it happened cant change that… couldn’t prevent it, can only influence what happens afterwards. Each day one day at a time ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 15:11 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/8 "2023-02-18T15:11:26Z")
To add to it you feel bad when they are out there enjoying themselves and you know you cannot join in, it’s a stinker, getting bored with the whole stroke mess. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs5K](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrs5k/32/396_2.png) [@Mrs5K](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/Mrs5K)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 15:36 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/9 "2023-02-18T15:36:16Z")
@mrfrederickson you’re definitely not alone with those thoughts. I feel a burden on my husband often but as he constantly reminds me he’d rather have me here as I am than not have me here. As @Ingo66 said we have the opportunity to improve others don’t get that. My dad had no choice in his terminal cancer & when i’m feeling sorry for myself I think of how well my dad handled the cards he was dealt. We can’t change what has happened but we can influence how we move forward. Your family love you & i am sure do not think of you as a burden. Try to focus on the positives & what you can do to help them too. That only needs to be something small. Keep going. You’re doing great. ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 15:58 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/10 "2023-02-18T15:58:50Z")
Thanks I will make something of the cards I’ve been dealt Still early days entering year 3 long way to go, but celebrate my loving family and wife to whom I am eternally grateful. ---
**Author:** ![TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/trfcandy53/32/4421_2.png) [@TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/TRFCANDY53)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 16:10 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/11 "2023-02-18T16:10:47Z")
Wise words indeed, its a long journey this recovery lark and we have to show our lived ones how hard we are trying to improve and get stronger with their unconditional love and support. And any small win is a win!!! For me ive needed help stwpping out of my house, but ive worked out a way i can do it safely so another thing i can do independently now Look how far youve come so far and take huge pride ftom that. ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 16:31 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/12 "2023-02-18T16:31:03Z")
The difficulties are registering that improvement, it’s so hard to quantify ---
**Author:** ![TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/trfcandy53/32/4421_2.png) [@TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/TRFCANDY53)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 16:32 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/13 "2023-02-18T16:32:29Z")
I agree but try and record them in a journal maybe ? ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 16:34 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/14 "2023-02-18T16:34:19Z")
Thanks it seems like slow motion but after 2 years into my third I have managed to carve out some sort of existence not fully independent from my wife but doing so much more than last year ---
**Author:** ![TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/trfcandy53/32/4421_2.png) [@TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/TRFCANDY53)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 16:35 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/15 "2023-02-18T16:35:47Z")
Thats brilliant and im sure she is very proud of you for the continued effort youre making ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 17:41 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/16 "2023-02-18T17:41:41Z")
Yes getting out of and back in to the house are currently a challenge as the threshold step causes me issues with my badly working left leg, a matter of time ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 17:44 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/17 "2023-02-18T17:44:24Z")
Yes but sadly I invented the word more and until I have reached my goals I won’t be satisfied ---
**Author:** ![TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/trfcandy53/32/4421_2.png) [@TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/TRFCANDY53)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 17:56 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/18 "2023-02-18T17:56:44Z")
Having goals is absolutely key to recovery always strive for more!!! But its definitely a marathon not a sprint!!! ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 18:10 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/19 "2023-02-18T18:10:13Z")
She is proud and it makes the work she puts in on my behalf more valued and helps her commitment, but it’s a long slog , the marathon of my life so more tortoise and less hate. ---
**Author:** ![TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/trfcandy53/32/4421_2.png) [@TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/TRFCANDY53)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 18:25 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/20 "2023-02-18T18:25:56Z")
But as a team you will get to where you want to get to, you need each other and the rest of your loving family too. My stroke was May 2022, my goals for 2023 were to get back to work and get back to driving…my ultimate goal is to get back walking properly and running and playing tennis. Driving is underway, car ordered and starting work iver next few weeks too. The other stuff will come in time too i know that and will strive as hard as i can to make it happen ---
**Author:** ![mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/mrfrederickson/32/3143_2.png) [@mrfrederickson](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/mrfrederickson)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 18:40 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/21 "2023-02-18T18:40:15Z")
Yes I hear what you say my goals are planned with my wife, hoping to start a new job soon but unless my vision comes good soon driving is a thing of the past unless it’s as a passenger ---
**Author:** ![TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/user_avatar/onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/trfcandy53/32/4421_2.png) [@TRFCANDY53](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/u/TRFCANDY53)\ **Post date:** [18 February 2023 18:46 UTC](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198/22 "2023-02-18T18:46:31Z")
Great its the same in my house too!! Progress always and only if safe to do so, few risks taken. Being a passenger in a car makes me sleep… I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you about driving and your vision snd your new job . Enjoy your Saturday night [Next page](https://onlinecommunity.stroke.org.uk/t/guilt/33198.md?page=2)