I think i will 
Hopefully his taste improves
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@Clairekirby1990 , let me know how things are going on. 
Yes 6 months. I’ve managed to get back to work. But reduced my hours to 20 a week over 4 days. And yes I’m tired when I get back home. Short rest and I’m ok for a bit longer. But by 8 at night that’s me done in. Yes I get frustrated that I’m not what I was and may never be again. But things are better than the first few weeks. Going away scares me but I won’t let it win. I can’t. We have to carry on in the best way we can. And your partner will change with encouragement from you and others.
Give him my best wishes and say we are all with him. He’s not alone. And neither are you.
Thank you so much for all that and bless you. He will go back to work but not just yet.
He drives as a job.
Well done for getting back to work
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Fatigue is not the same feeling as being tired. And he’s not so much physically fatigued, he’s mentally fatigued. He might not feel fatigued but his brain does.
How many times did your son say “I not tired” when he was a toddler? You knew he needed to go down for a nap but he faught it, got cranky. That’s because he didn’t feel sleepy, it’s just his developing brain was fatigued and needed some quiet time. But your son wouldn’t understand that, he just knows that he’s not tired and fights you.
You’ve been on holiday for 4 days, new sights, new sounds, new discoveries, lots and lots of new data to input and process. His brain is trundling through it all on an old dot matrix printer, as opposed to a speedy laser printer. And it heats up and needs to be switched off to cool down periodically.
It took a year or so to get my sense of taste back, food just tasted bad. Being type 2 diabetic I have to take metformin which takes away your appetite altogether. So between those two issues and the muscle wastage after the stroke, I lost about 3 stone in weight that I couldn’t afford to lose. I was like a skeleton 
But I’ve got it all back since then.
But also get his his blood tested for nutrient levels. Some of fatigue could be due to being low in Iron, B vitamins or something. I was severely low in folic acid and put on high course for a few weeks and that picked me right up 
Lorraine
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@Clairekirby1990 , make sure he doesn’t rush back. Recovery is like a marathon, it’s takes time to complete.
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He cant go back to this job for a year. So another 6 months yet. Ill see how he is then x
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Thank you so much for all of that Lorraine. I think thats what makes him down atm. As he loved his food before x
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I know it gets him down and it will take a couple years, but he will get a lot of it back. I had a little more than him to regain and I’m now sitting in my car having a McDonalds Toffee Latte after doing a bit shopping and now waiting for my daughter to finish pottery.
I’m 5 years post stroke…a small stroke. But I had to learn how to walk, regain use of my hand, learn to talk and regain cognition etc in order to do that.
I go to the gym 5 times a week as well as 3 strength and balance classes and a pilates class class now….I know but 
I think I’ve got an addiction…but don’t tell anybody 
It’s just that ageuk keep coming up with these really cool classes and I just can’t say no 
It’s great
I do also do there things like garden, laundry, cooking, cleaning, helping hubby install new fence panels after the last storm, etc.
But all that has built up gradually over say the last three and a half years or so…once I got my legs back under me
And I’m 64 in a couple of weeks.
He will get there, don’t ever doubt that. He has more youth on his side than I did…I’m jealouse And he doesn’t have to come back from as far as I did.
Maybe he’d benefit more now from joining some stroke/aphasia groups. Now that he’s had a taste of being away from home. His frustration might mean he’s ready for something more.
Lorraine
Hi Lorraine. I tried asking him about any groups and he said no.. im going to look into one for me.
Its the aphasia, taste n smell, he can talk but struggles to get some words out.
Hes just got no motivation at all atm .
Some days are better than others x
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Here’s the Stroke Association link to Support groups in your area (just click the blue text).
If you scroll down that page a little, you will come to a search box to key in you post code or town name. This will give you a list of groups available in your area from nearest to furthest away.
Motivation was switched off for me along with all my other emotions. But I knew I had to do something if I wanted to get myself better. I was very like a robot, do this, now do that, now something else, motivation didn’t enter in to it. There was no inspiration, no motivation, no urge to do something, to do anything. I could have quite happily just sat there all day doing absolutely nothing and I wouldn’t even feel guilty…because I didn’t have that emotion either I could quite easily have gotten away with doing nothing all day every day.
But my very logical, practical mind knew that would be a wasted life and certainly could make my health much worse in the long run. I couldn’t put my family through that. I had the potential for a lot more life to live and share with my family. So rather than just sit in front of the telly waiting for my life to expire, I would just say fekkit and drag myself around the house trying to walk, fekkit and start picking up pennies and clipping pegs to cups to get my hand working, fekkit and start babbling nonsense in an attempt to read and speak again. Everything was just an endless list of daily tasks and routines recycled over and over again. And I had quite a few duplicate lists dotted around the house because my short term memory was just too short for the first year or so. But if I’d let myself get away with it, I wouldn’t have even washed and dressed in the morning, let alone eat or drink. Fortunately I had my family around to remind me to do these things, whilst they got on with their lives around me, until eventually I remembered to do them myself.
So maybe your partner needs a list instead of motivation…until that emotions comes back onboard. A short list of daily tasks to be done each day, a few things he would like to achieve in a day. And this list could include a walk outside, on his own, to the end of the drive/street. Speak to one person each day, outside of immediate family, even if it’s only to say Hi; it can be in person or over the phone.
And maybe, just maybe, you need to tell him you are both going to attend stroke group. Sometimes not given a choice works better than giving him the option of staying at home. I was always overfaced with multiple choices, two was just enough. Even now I struggle with big menus in restaurants, too much text to decipher becomes overwhelming.
So, you find a group, and you don’t tell him until the night before, if its a morning group. Don’t tell him ‘til the morning of it, if its an afternoon group and that you want him to accompany you there. Because this is for your benefit, not just his But be prepared to go alone if he digs his heals in, don’t make it an issue, don’t make it a battle. Heck, you could even try not telling him at all until you arrive there. These are just ideas because I don’t know either of you But be prepared, if you do manage to get him there, he’ll most likely be wasted for the rest of the day.
Anything new is likely to raise stress levels a little and bring on fatigue. I went to a new strength & balance class the other day, a new area of town, new faces, names, instructions, even directions to the venue. Brings on my stammer and stutter but I’ll be fine come next class now. And yes, I can still feel a little tense, overwhelmed by it all, but I plan for the fatigue, so didn’t do much else for few hours afterwards, and it was my daughter’s turn to cook that evening so I didn’t even have that to do
Go for it Claire and good luck 
Lorraine
And here’s a little something just for laughs
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Thank you for all this Lorraine.
I cant just turn up with out saying anything he would go mental at me
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See now back in those early months I would have just said ok. You could have led me off a cliff and I wouldn’t bat an eye
Lorraine
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@EmeraldEyes is spot on fatigue is not the same as being tired. If you are tired you can carry on, if you are fatigued you will shutdown. He is not tired, his brain is telling him he has done enough and he needs to rest. Rest is a huge part of his recovery and he should never ever fight it when fatigued, or as he describes it tired.
Fatigue will shut him down regardless, fighting it is not healthy for the recovery process.
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And to add, rest doesn’t necessarily mean sleep. Fatigue can greet us after a sleep, rest is resetting the brain. Rest can even mean doing something akin to mind blanking where the task involves procedural memory or automotive functions. Sometimes, I rest by doing the ironing or having a bath.
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@EmeraldEyes , so so true. I can’t believe some people fall those promotions. Those Irish girls are right.
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Yes, you are so right. Sometimes its not just a mat ter of change to the activity you are doing. In my early recovery I used to flit from one activity to another, whether the previous one was complete or not. Even with things like loading/unloading the washing machine. I could be half way through unloading the washing and my brain would decide that’s enough of that, move on…now. It wouldn’t even let me finish. It was a strange time, weird, but it kept us all entertained during the lockdown. My family used to take bets, will she/won’t she complete this. But I kept them on their toes
But, yes the brain can get fatigued with a single activity and its just matter of switching them up, it gets bored
Lorraine
Lorraine
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@EmeraldEyes , fair point. There are times you can “sleep” but not feel rested. I’ve had that a lot over the last several months. As for brain fatigue, many mental activities can do this. Recently, I bought a re-furbished Nintendo 3DS XL from a video game shop. I also bought some games that can help with things including concentration, mental agility also basic math’s and spelling. If you shop around (try webuy.co.uk) you can buy one. Also try Amazon, or eBay.
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This is a lovely idea
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@Clairekirby1990 , glad you like it.
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