After a lifetime of being a very handy man my stroke has left me with greatly reduced mobility and only one working arm.
I am constantly berating myself for not being able to support the physical side of running our home and garden.
Despite being reassured that what I do matters and employing people to do jobs I once carried out with ease I end the day in a very dejected way.
My recovery whilst goood when you consider the severity of my stroke is not sufficiently down the line for me to enjoy seventy percent of my previous life. I’m impatiently waiting for improvements as time marches me towards old age at 62 and the frailty that bring which I understand all to well having been forced through stroke into the body of an eighty year old when I’m twenty years younger.
@mrfrederickson This is for you cause reading between the lines you need it. I too get frustrated at things i can no longer do, but I think &@*& it. let someone else do it. I did everything, from driving, to gardening , to building and now….nothing. I am fortunate I have a very good bestie who I call my Italian husband, who does anything heavy I have and does it with love, not as a chore. He is priceless and also the one who saved my life. I am eternally grateful for him being in my life. For you enjoy life and sit back and let someone do it for you and you can be the foreman. Best of luck Irene
Sorry you’re finding the position you are in hard. It isn’t easy but I would also say that what you do DOES matter. Finding different ways to do things is a must and from previous posts I know you have done that.
62 is not old and there is plenty of life for you to enjoy yet. It might not be as you planned or hoped but it can still be good.
I am 100% convinced that your family and friends are extremely glad you are here even if you can’t do all you could.
@mrfrederickson I think we all go through this and at different level s every day since stroke wreaked it’s wrath upon us. As someone less affected still understand that feeling of loss and uselessness, but slowly I’ve got things back.
But that doesn’t mean I have forgot and still everyday self check and acknowledge I’m lucky with my lot, there is no shame in being down and feeling the loss in things you once could do- that’s most likely in the post for everyone one day. Having someone to do those jobs is fine and you get to look after you and your recovery which is the most important thing.
I’m sure your words ring true, I’m trying so hard it’s just seeing my wife struggling with physical jobs and needs my strong body that has been rendered useless by the brain damage that stroke has done to me.
Hi Mark, I totally get where you are coming from. Like you, my mobility is greatly reduced and I only have the use if one arm.
I find this time of year particularly difficult. Before my stroke I did everything Christmas and now I have to watch my husband doing everything. I do the very few things that I can do but I feel like a spare part that only gets in the way
I try hard to hide how I feel, for I know it would upset my husband and our grown up kids but despite being nearly 9 years post stroke, I still find it difficult to be sitting on the sidelines watching the world go by .
I think all stroke survivors feel the same. My husband has just put the Christmas tree up and decorated it with no help from one handed one and a half leg me! Its so frustrating. I usually decorate the mantlepiece but its totally beyond me now. From being an active, dancing loving, always doing something lady I have turned into a hobbling about with a stick person who suffers with dreadful fatigue, cannot stand a lot of noise, spends too long sitting in a chair grumpy old lady. I dont recognise this person and very definitely don’t like her much.
My wife put up our tree by herself without my assistance. We’ll not exactly without my help. She was done, stood back, and had a look . It was listing heavily to the left, just like me.! She made a move to fix it when I stopped her. “ dont touch that tree “ i said.” The tree is beautiful , just not perfect.” So we stared at our crooked tree together and agreed. It will remain our hemiparetic tree this year. I also thought let’s see who comments on our tree. There are people who say “ great tree” and leave it at that. ……….then there are those who feel the need to state the obvious. “ your tree is crooked.” I’ve learned to spend more time with the beautiful tree people as opposed to the crooked tree people! This is where my improvements are. I cant change my body, but i can change how I view it. That did not happen overnight, it is taken 4 years. It works sometimes.
Thanks Sue I’d be happier if I had some more mobility ,say a partial working arm and good stable walking, don’t expect a full return to my pre stroke self bu something better than I am now with only five years of recovery , how long is long enough.
I’m sure e people will say it willl happen when it does happen and each stroke is unique, please telll me something I don’t know I would scream
Merry Christmas one and all may you all recover and come to my party
@mrfrederickson you sound just like my husband except he is 72 so 10 years older. We try to keep busy and not mope about but it is so awful for him and he often says he wishes the stroke had finished him off.
We get out as often as we can as all he can do indoors is watch TV and he is not that sort of person. He was always busy with work, hobbies, DIY etc. We do all the hand/arm exercises and try and remain positive but it is very hard. We went out shopping this morning and then for lunch and we really enjoyed it but even that he hates me having to cut his food up and taking him to the disabled loo. If he could just use both hands again he could do so much more.
Hey Mark I’m also 61, like you, in our prime !
We have everything to live for.
I spent 2 hours outside in my garden today letting nature heal me. Every time I go outside Gaia let’s me know she’s looking after me, and my heart is filled with hope. I wish I could pass on my secret, but alas, people are not listening.
Thanks for your reply Trisha
It sounds like we are in parallel existence with the stroke experience
But 19 years younger, into tell my wife I wish it had finished me but unfortunately I’m still here trying to get back an existence that I can feel good about and contribute in as before. Not a sit in a chair person I want to be out doing things as before. But alas no recovery yet😢
A lot of the recovered survivors I know are eight to ten years old down the road as recovering peopl so I maybe over optimistic about finishing my recovery bin five years
Don’t wait for improvements; make them happen! Pick some tasks you want to achieve and break them down into smaller parts then start working on each part. Celebrate improvements then move the task on to thde next stage. you can do this!!
Irene
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