hello , I think some may remember Trevor ,my husband , he passed away after 6 months had a few stroke at home that we did not know about . Its been a hard journey and I am doing well. I feel we need to put more focus out there on how to prevent people from getting stroke. We get so busy with life , take on so much stress work, financial and just daily stresses and then stroke hits . i know so many friends now who mother or husband had a stroke, they are shocked as some like my husband so young .
I feel we should be warning people about stroke and simple stress less or take a break from a stressful situation and also healthier living, eating healthier and exercise can prevent stroke. even simple to get a blood pressure monitor and monitor your pressure. we need to prevent people from getting stroke as well. life is so precious and sometime we just focus on stress or too busy to notice small warning signs.
just need to chat . its so difficult to deal with a loss and to think if we just took that holiday or just went to the doctor sooner .
I’m sorry to hear about Trevor. Your post resonates so much with me. No-one around me understands about strokes - not my friends and family, nor my GP. Friends have often told me they don’t think I really had a stroke, despite it being in my medical records and being seen and diagnosed by the specialist Brain Injury Clinic. I can’t begin to understand why they would question it when I’m sitting in front of them dealing with the long-term effects of stroke damage.
I try to talk to people about the risk factors, especially stress and blood pressure but because the “experts” don’t say much about that, i think it’s a hard message to get across.
I will keep chatting, and also join in the “Know Your Numbers” campaign with Blood Pressure UK.
I love the idea of a Stroke Improvement Group.
Please keep sharing your thoughts about this - it is a fabulous way to honour Trevor’s memory.
Meanwhile, my thoughts are with you in your loss. And please take your own advice and take a break from any stresses you might be experiencing.
Hi Merr
I get this a lot, especially if I’m just sat down. Perhaps it makes THEM feel more comfortable? Easier to process? Sometimes I go along with it… just to put me in a different frame of mind. After all, what’s right and what’s wrong? It’s not so clear cut anymore !
good luck, Roland
@TrevorNaidoo it must be very difficult for you to deal with the loss of your husband after his strokes. I cannot begin to understand but send you my love & hope you are doing ok.
People who haven’t been there will find it difficult to understand. I think that goes for any illness not just stroke.
Any way of getting tue message out to people has to be good. I have used newsletters etc at work to tell my story as well as my social media channels. If it helps 1 person then i’ll be happy.
Wishing you all the best & i hope you can find some comfort in the happy memories that you and Trevor shared.
Ann
So sorry for the loss of your Husband Trevor.
I hope you are doing ok.
thanks for all the messages . I am doing my best and being strong. Trevor gave me a list of things he wanted me to do and be happy was the most important on that list. @SimonInEdinburgh . yes FAST may be too late , we need to bring awareness to increase of stress and not caring for our health and also GP appointments as i think back Trevor did complain of mild pains and dizziness and we could not get an appointment then he had the stroke, think its now more important to get the message that we all need to get involved in how to avoid stroke as so many younger people now also getting stroke. its good for people to share their stories as i know many people who feel they will never get sick. we need for people stories to be out there as every stroke person is shocked when it happens and never knew it could happen to them. stroke improvement group are also good. sorrry about chats i work on thursdays. will love to chat on another day if anyone free .
@MERR . so true people don’t know about stroke and I feel DR dont care as so many with stroke they feel we should just move on and its no longer their problem.
i met so many stroke suvivors and so few spoke about some good dr who pushed them to go to physio and do the work and they will walk and that was the only reason they did do so well but most said they were just sent home and did not know what was happening. stroke groups are great way of understanding stroke because we share our experience. i went home from my first stroke meeting and was so happy to say trevor its ok we will figure this stroke out together .
i will look into know your number as i have diabetes and had high blood pressure. we need to keep checking not check when its too late.
thanks for your kind words. i am attending grief counselling and I am talking so much about trevor now. we had that once in a life time true love stories and we lived every moment of our life together so happy , even his last few days we were talking about our holiday and all the good memories , he wanted me to travel and enjoy my life. he spoke to all my family and friends and told them how they can support me, i get calls and they share what he wanted me to do. eg , he told my eldest brother i must scatter his ashes within the first month as he was afraid i will build an attachment to his ashes as he did with his mums ashes, Trevor wanted his mum ashes to be scatter with his ashes , which i did within the first month, on the thames river with al my family and friends as he requested . he also wanted me to fight for him because he could not talk and the hospital assumed he was depressed and treated him for depression and not stroke, they never asked him how he was he could answer yes and no. he got his speech back few weeks before he passed, he asked me to video him telling about the doctors and the psychiatrist and i am fighting the hospital as them prevented him from getting stroke support and took away his rights by sectioning him to try ketamine trails which I feel ended his life earlier, its good to vent and I learnt i am talking and I know I will talk and raise awareness as long as I can, till something changes. worked with the local councillors and we helped create an unpaid carers welcome pack that will be released on 21 november for carer rights day . so we just have to keep talking and some one will listen.
This year my family is comming to uk to be with me thru xmas and for trevor birthday I decided to go away as the memories of his last birthday is too painful . he wanted me to go away last year as i had a xmas market prague trip book , a ladies trip away , which i canceled and he was so sad i was so emotional and worried about him. he did not want the ketamine and his first dose made him so sick I thought he will pass away and i was so sick i ended up at A and E . When i went to visit him he smile and said he did not want me sick or sad and he drink some water and said he will get better we need to get him out of hospital and we fought the hospital stopped the ketamine and he improved so much at home. he was happy at home.
I will be away for his birthday as we always had a lovely holiday on our birthdays , it was just relaxing to be on holiday a nice meal and I know he will be with me and happy that i am trying to be happy.
so many people now passing away so young , we have only now and we need to be happy with all we have as some one always is worst off than you are.
I have my friend and family ,
hope you all have a loved one near this xmas. if not we all here i will check in over the festive season. sending everyone love and keep fighting we got this.
@Mrs5K Thanks for your msg. I am learning how to live without my husband. life is not easy but he made me promise him I will live a good life and be happy . he knew my friends and family will be supportive . he did not want me to be as depressed as he was as his mum passed away 5 years ago and he was so full with anger and as an only child felt so alone. his mum was also his best friend. we had so many lovely holidays and many great memories. . i will treasure our memories and I am journaling and it really helps. A friend gave me this grief journal its amazing like i can write thing i feel i need to say to him. or write a letter to him. I also added photo so i read when i do miss him. but i also find so much joy in our good memories.
thanks Ann hope you are doing well chat soon
It will take time to learn to live without him but I hope you do go on & live a good & fulfilling life. That’s what Trevor would want. You have loads of happy memories by tye sounds of it & you’ll always have them.
The grief journal is a great idea.
Look after yourself.
Ann
@TrevorNaidoo Hello, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you as we approach Christmas time. I hope you are doing well.
Take care,
Madeleine x
merry xmas everyone
hi Madeline ,thanks so much
i am happy to have family who is staying with me till 14th Jan from South Africa
the house is full with love and laughter . the nights are still the hardest and i feel a part of my heart is missing and gone forever. I know, my love ,my hsband, Trevor is happy in Heaven and wants me to be happy and he wanted me to follow my dreams and do good and fight for better care for stroke patience . I miss him and i am askint the hospital for an explaination why he did not get proper stroke care or treatment , still in process as hosp will let me know a follow up in 2025. there are inestigating his case now.
I am back at work and trying to sort out all his stuff alone is not easy but almost done now. death is something no one talk about and we just think it funeral and we need to move on but it like a never ending paper trail with lawyers and meeting and sorting out so much thing i just never expected to do. Trevor always sorted the insurances and paper work now its hard . i have family support now and good friends to help me
take care and hope to maybe join a meeting some day . hope you are well .
HI Ann
i am doing ok back at work and have family from South Africa staying with me for xmas and new years.
merry xmas . the nites seem harder i miss him so much
but i am keeping busy
take care chat soon.
Shani
@TrevorNaidoo Hi Shani, good to hear you are getting on ok. I am sure you have some days better than others & the alone times are no doubt the worst. It’s still early days yet and there’s no timeline for grieving…it’s different for everyone.
Getting back into some sort of routine will help you get through and i’m sure there’s many things to sort too.
I’m sure Trevor would want you to be happy and live life to the full when the time is right.
Best wishes to you.
Ann xx