My husband is coming up for 6 months post stroke. We are just back from a week in the sun which we felt very lucky to be able to go at this time in his recovery. We did have a few challenges, however good for me, no washing, cooking, cleaning etc .. before I went I ironed, packed, lugged cases up and downstairs. Watched he didnt bump into anything, went the right road. Got assistance at airport. There were a few lessons learned. Back to the grind have suitcases to unpack, washings to do. I just feel low again wondering if I can keep the caring up. Feel there’s no one caring for me. Probably being selfish but its really hard work sometimes.
5 Likes
You class as someone affected by stroke and need support yourself.
Ask for advice, @Anna_Moderator can give you some pointers.
There are generic carer groups who can also be a help.
Shout out loud, people do care, are concerned.
You will get much valuable advice and a listening ear on this forum.
Please obey rule number one for carers.
Before all else make sure you are rested, in good heath and in a fit state to care for another.
Don’t push on regardless. Take breaks.
This is not being selfish, it is being responsible.
Your partner will benefit if you are performing well.
keep on keepin on
5 Likes
I am in the same situation as you, @Lindy58, and yes, it is incredibly hard. I (59) have no other family than my husband (76). On the advice of my doctor I recently saw a therapist who told me allowing myself to feel sad for myself was OK. I was worried, as I felt I was wallowing in self-pity after my husband has had two major strokes in the last eight months. I think acknowledging that being a carer is very hard has helped me a little - although my anxiety is bad at the moment.
Kind regards, Anna C >3
5 Likes
I can empathise. Like many, we are suddenly thrust into this role without any warning, and when it happens the lives of many are disrupted and things have to change.
My wife had a stroke in April. We have had to cancel two holidays, two concerts and put our lives on hold. I am autistic with ADHD, I have fibromyalgia and have had two TIA myself, so life seems incredibly unkind at times, but it is what it is, and there’s nothing to be done about it. My wife’s kids never get in touch to see how she is, or offer any moral support to me, and I just have to get on with caring, sorting, organising, etc, because there’s nobody else to do it, and in fairness, I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it.
Caring is tough, its 24/7, and you rarely feel like anyone has your back, but we do because we get it, so never be afraid to feel what you feel and this forum is the ideal place to vent, moan and seek support.
You’ve got this!
6 Likes
Hi @Lindy58
It absolutely is not selfish to want someone to be caring for you too. It’s always difficult in these situations as you want to do all you can for your loved one but, you too matter in this and also need help. Have you tried speaking with your GP about how you’re feeling? They could also let you know if there are any local carer groups you could attend. @AnnaC has mentioned seeing a therapist, this is also a great option and can help when you’re going through difficult times. You can also have a look at our website which has a page about caring for your loved one. There are some good tips in there for caring for yourself.
I hope this helps and please also use this space to chat about how you’re feeling, that can really help to know you’re not alone.
Anna
4 Likes
Hello@AnnaC and @ Lindy58,
I fully understand your predicament, For the last 5 years my dear wife has struggled to help my stroke recovery but she is tired out and will not admit it. I just hope that if I have another stroke, that it kills me and she can get on end enjoy the rest of her life; she deserves it.
I am lucky to have had a great life up until my stroke and have no regrets and I’ll go happily.to wherever the column of heat and smoke take me!
Best wishes to both of you - and your families.
Bob Isle.
6 Likes
I imagine the post-holiday blues may also be exacerbating everything for you as well. As @AnnaC mentions, a bout of therapy might help you talk out all your feelings, you can say things to therapists that you may not be able to say to friends and family. It’s not for everyone but for some it is helpful. We can’t function being completely altruistic and life is a balance between selfishness and selflessness, reaching that balance takes time and consideration. I’m pleased to hear your holiday was enjoyed, six months post stroke is quite soon to be globetrotting (just using the word even if the holiday was in the UK) but he will hopefully progress in time and with a practical plan of how you both can achieve a life balance again, you’ll find that the more he can do, the less you will need to do. Six months is a mere blob in the toothpaste tube of stroke rehabilitation, it took me a year and a bit to start to be more autonomous, although I started hoovering, cleaning the toilet, making the bed and cooking for the family again before that, mainly because my partner hated those tasks and it was better for my sanity to resume doing them at the earliest possible stage to avoid the grouse.
4 Likes
Good to hear you had a lovely holiday. The getting home bit is always tough. I hate post holiday washing and ironing etc.
You are not at all selfish with your feelings. The stroke has had a big impact on your life too…in some ways it is harder for carers. Over time the amount you have to so should get easier as your partner becomes more able but for now prioritise stuff & leave what isn’t so urgent for another time. For example a lot of people have a holiday wardrobe so if the clothes aren’t going to be worn again till next holiday then hold off washing/ ironing for a bit or do them a little at a time. Cleaning will still be there another day too. Sometimes it takes a mindset change which I know isn’t easy.
Above all take time out for yourself from time to time.
2 Likes
Thank you for response. Will check that link out. Its so nice to feel supported, feel its like a family.
1 Like
Aww sorry you and your wife have had these struggles and here is me moaning about 6 to 7 months post stroke. Thinking of you both.
1 Like
Hi @Lindy58,
Thank you so much - life is tough for many of us on this forum ( I am now over 5 years post-stroke) but we just have to keep our heads down and push back ! All the best for the future.
Bob Isle.