Not sure where to post this exactly …… I have been a member for some time now, but not been here for a few months …. Sadly my husband’s health deteriorated and he died in July this year…… so no more strokes for him …. but a huge .lifestyle change for me …. we had been together 59 years since we first met in the army long ago and I am finding it extremely difficult to be without him … the first few days I honestly felt I would have another stroke, I was just soo shocked and alone …… but I tried to keep calm and not think of strokes …. Soooo much paperwork to do in relation to the death, and everything made me want to just scream and tear it all up …… but I didn’t, and so here I am coping in the best way I can …. But to lose the love of my life has left me where I feel I have no purpose in life now, no one to look after, no one to chat and laugh with and now I worry I get more strokes (2 years since I had 10;TIAs and 2 small brain bleeds) and had difficulty finding my way into the forum again … it seems to have changed 
… sorry for waffling on but just needed to speak to folk … so thank you if you got to the end of this
Val xx
My condolences Val, hopefully you can find comfort and company in the many wonderful memories you both shared together. Not quite the same, I know, but they may accompany you as you move forward and begin to reorganise your life and try to embrace the rest of it , and I’m certain he would have wanted you to do that. 
Welcome back @Ismeval sadly under such terrible circumstances I wish we weren’t welcoming you back 
I cannot empathise from experience but I can speculate that companionship can be found through organisations like ageUk, local council services and greyhound rescue etc. art classes or walking groups etc and that extends into online for people who are less mobile.
There are plenty on here who will chat albeit only in text or zoom.
The grieving process is well understood and supported by the specialist experts in counselling and so I would recommend asking your GP for help there
Stay strong
Thank you, but sadly I have mobility problems in spine and hips and can barely walk down the path so any sort of groups no good for me at 78 years old we no longer had dogs after our last staffie died 4 years ago and I am not physically able to get another and obviously can’t join walking groups though I would have loved to …. I have had my groceries delivered for many years as I can’t get round a full shop, not complaining, just saying I am almost housebound here in the little place I live in …neighbours either side and males who both work as does the lady opposite … I phoned the doctors receptionist few days after he left me, they didn’t know, but I did sort of expect our doc to phone at some point, but no …. Council are useless here … and any sort of help I need like the heavier housework etc has to be paid for and is too expensive…. and I have a jungle starting to grow in my back garden ……So you can see why I feel I have no purpose now … I will have to try and do the online meet ups at some point ……
Val x
@Ismeval
Oh Val, what a sad time for you. To have loved and cherished and shared your life with someone for 59 years and then lose them is devastating. Of course you feel alone, the pain of grieving is like no other and the worst thing is that there’s nothing you can do about it. Do you have family to help you through this time or friends who will give support? Just having someone to talk to can be cathartic. It’s very early days, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to cry and weep over your loss. Your life is still precious and over time, you will find meaning and purpose in it once again. Stay strong, dear lady. You can get through this. Xx
Trace
For help at home, try Age UK, Val. I worked for them a few years ago and unless things have changed, they’ll arrange for a social services assessment that will provide a direct payment to pay for the services of Age UK if you qualify.
Trace
No help there, I phoned up but they have no volunteers in this area, so can’t help …. And hiring help can be expensive … we can’t get Pension Credit either because they upped my old age pension
Plus I get a (very) small percentage from Bill’s private pension we were always just over the amount needed to get anything. ……. Ohh, except now I am alone I got 25% off council tax
Val x
I live in a small place in the North East, but I was born and brought up in Great Yarmouth until I left to join the army where I met Bill. When we both left we got a house up here where he is from … so my family is far away and I can’t travel now anyway. I have a grown up daughter and son, neither live close, and neither drive and takes 2 buses for either of them to get here, so no use in an emergency, that’s why I am frightened about another stroke, no one here to know if I lose conscience ( sorry can’t spell) also they work, but my daughter comes and stays one night on Friday a month which is nice …… son gets over when he can …. I have one good friend of many years standing and we get together every Tuesday morning and she takes me for coffee and cake to a small cafe we know well …. Other than that she has 3 grandchildren to look after, take to school, appointments, after school clubs etc until her daughter leaves work …… she is also on her own apart from always got the kids … but I have enjoyed solitude this past week or so as I love the wheelchair tennis in the Paralympics ha ha, so no disturbances …and waiting for the singles gold match after lunch especially as he is a Norfolk lad who lives just a few short miles from Yarmouth 
… other than that, I haven’t hoovered for a couple weeks now, and I don’t really care ha ha …
Val x
Hi Val, so sorry for your loss but welcome back to this community. I cannot begin to imagine how lost you must feel. Hopefully chatting with the community here will go a small way to help you get through the coming months and help you heal. 
Thinking of you and sending my condolences. 
Regards
Sue
@Ismeval so sorry for your loss. I am sure after 59 years there is a big hole in your life & that will take some adapting too. In time you’ll find a new way but for now just take the time you need to grieve.
Sending you my heartfelt condolences & my very best wishes.
Ann xxx
Hi Val, so very sorry for you loss I know how that feels as we just lost my mother-in-law a few months ago. Every day still I’m wanting to pop around or phone her up to tell her something or other. I’m ok talking to stranger about her but I still find myself filling up with tears talking to family. And the fact she reminds me so much of my own sister just seems to make it that bit harder to speak to her, and it really shouldn’t.
The say it gets easier as time goes on, but like you, I’m still waiting.
You don’t need to be alone here on the forum, you are always welcome here We can keep this post alive to chat with you any time you like. And you or anyone else can message each other privately by clicking on a persons avatar (the little round circle with a picture or letter in it) and then click Message.
And you know you still have purpose here, your insight through your stroke recovery helps others on here immensely. And it can help you through your bereavement too just by helping others on here.
So stay and keep on talking and hopefully we all can help you through your grief 
Hang in there Val,
“The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live.”
Don’t let it happen to you
― Norman Cousins
Hi there.
It’s really tough when you lose a husband. Mine died 6 years ago and I still miss him. It’s something that doesn’t go away, but does get easier to live with as time passes. I am lucky because I drive (I live in a small village with almost non-existent public transport). Do you live in a community? Do you have a community Facebook page or Next door app that covers your area? There is always something you can do. Maybe a club or society nearby you could become part of? They often advertise people who can help with gardening and cleaning etc for a small fee and it doesn’t have to be on a regular basis. If you aren’t very mobile, is there any way you could get hold of a mobility scooter (new or second hand). I only use mine for long distances, but they are a game-changer and give you the freedom to do things independently of others.
Most importantly though, find someone to speak to. There is help out there. Sometimes though it takes a bit of searching. The church sometimes has a network of contacts. Don’t give up. You are just starting a new chapter of your life.
Thank you x …… I will always miss him …. We met in the army 60 years ago, yes both of us are vets …. Yes I can drive, only local, but not at the moment as my spinal and hip problem are in a “extra bad” way at the moment …. Besides there is nowhere I could go or want to …… we were never the sort to go out far, didn’t go to pubs or stuff like that …. We were happy just being us together …. Not sure what you mean by a “community” … I live on an estate of houses where mostly all the folk work so not the place where you can pop in for coffee etc …. even after living here all these years I don’t know half of them… never been the sort to go to groups of any kind, nor would I want to … no way could I get a mobility scooter because I have steps coming into both my back and front doors, so would have to be left outside all the time and it would most certainly have been taken the first night …. My house is a small one and no room inside even if I could lift it up steps, which I couldn’t …. as explained before, my two grown up children do not live close but phone me every day …. I live where I am in the North, but I am not from here … I am from Norfolk and I can no longer travel that far to get home … I can’t even walk far enough to get up to a bus stop …. So thank goodness I get groceries delivered … I don’t sound very sociable do I ? I guess not, never really wanted to join groups or clubs. Not my sort of thing …. prefer to “chat” on here … not starting a new chapter in my life, at my age, just nearing the final one … a church is never a place for me …I do not do that sort of religious stuff as I am a long time pagan … there is a small church here which is up a hill too, that’s probs just to keep old witches like me out 
thank you for the chat it’s much appreciated xxxxxx
Val x
Hi, I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. Perhaps a short holiday in a warm sunny place may help lift your spirits. Try to find things to be grateful for during the day, even if it’s just being grateful for sunny day or a hot cup of tea or coffee. A few positive thoughts can make the world of difference.
A short holiday 
I can’t afford to have the heating on so certainly no money for a holiday. Plus as I said I have mobility problems with spine and hip and can just about walk down my garden path with sticks and no family close either
What sources of support do you have and which do you know of but haven’t got? What are the reasons for those that you know and haven’t got ?
We might then have useful suggestions
Simon
How are you doing at the moment @Ismeval. Do you have much company coming around?
Have you tried talking to gp’s receptionist? They will probably know how to access any forms of local social activety groups you may have in your area also the likes of AgeUK you could try 
Plus they will know what door to door transport services are available to you to access more both social as well as for medical.
No, no family close that could get here in half an hour. Takes both our children two buses to even get here. They do not drive. I have one friend in next village and we go for coffee and cake every Tuesday morning that’s it, as she has to look after 3 grand children even though like me, she is in her 70s. Joining social clubs are not my thing. Just not interested as I have found out in the past they are generally all female usually having a go at someone or other. That’s not for me. I live in the North UK but I am not from here, but from way down in Norfolk. I cannot get home now as I cannot travel far. Age concern don’t do stuff round here as they have no volunteers so pretty much stuck. Waiting …… wish we had gone together ……
I worked all my life. Now 78. My private pension of £14 a month stops me getting pension credit or anything else. Anything I might need like help in the home etc I would have to pay for …. So much for being a vet (yes I also served in the army) and this current government don’t do a thing to help us older folk. Now they have taken the winter heating allowance away from pensioners. Totally disgraceful but then what do you expect from a labour government …