Hi guys,
Not really sure why I’m writing this. Maybe for a little support I guess.
My 69 year old Mum had a major stroke on 2nd March. She was in Stroke Rehab for 4 months, on a feeding tube for almost 3 months. Fortunately she has retained most of her mobility, and eats normally now, however the damage to her brain has been very severe.
She has Apraxia of Speech & Ideomotor Apraxia, so everything is jumbled up. She’ll see the sink & go for a wee by the sink because she thinks it’s the toilet, she’ll use her knife to eat her food, she’ll use towels as blankets. She cannot do anything for herself at all. Can’t cook, make a drink, dress, wash. All the signals in her brain are misfiring. It’s worse when she’s tired. The confusion is really severe. And her memory is awful.
Her main frustration is not being able to communicate with us. And not being able to understand us. She can’t read, or write either. Things that she really enjoyed before. She has good & bad days. On the good days I feel she really understands. On the bad days, she doesn’t recognise us.
She came home for just one week from rehab & all hell broke loose. She was fighting Carers, she’d shown aggression in hospital but this was on another level. She was constantly trying to get out of her flat, which was so dangerous as she was on the 2nd floor. She had constant falls so I moved in with her. It culminated in her violently attacking me. She fell in the process and ended up back in hospital for 6 weeks.
She’s been discharged to a care home for assessment (it’s a council run care home & it’s awful. The staff are lovely, but the place is literally falling down). Her social worker has said it’d be unsafe for her to return home. I agree. She’s attacked staff in the home & attacked my sister and I too.
She was NEVER aggressive before. Feisty yes! But a lovely Mum & I miss her terribly. She is so young compared to the other residents in the assessment care home too & Mum sticks out like a sore thumb. She refuses to leave her room & she’s just wasting away in it. She isn’t eating & I think she’s very depressed.
We’ve found a wonderful care home for her to move to that I feel would meet her needs. It’s got a tonne of activities that she can enjoy if she wants, or she can stay in her en suite room which is massive. There’s beautiful landscaped gardens & it’s a light & airy place. Most importantly the staff seem fantastic.
I don’t know if I’m stupid for being honest with her, however I have explained that her doctors & social worker agree that it’d be safer for her to live there. She’s flown completely off the handle and now I’m not sure how to even get her in there. She seemed to understand initially and accept that she needs 24hr care, however upon taking her to view the place, she became extremely agitated & aggressive. She tried to get out of the car & throw herself out whilst we were driving & then attacked my sister & I whilst we tried to stop her from basically causing a major accident.
I just want her to be safe. To be well looked after, where I can see her every day (like I have since 2nd March) & spend quality time with her.
I’m just at a loss. I’m an emotional wreck. I’ve lost so much weight & I’m exhausted. I’ve cared for her whilst she was in hospital, visiting every day, showering her, helping to feed her to get get her off the awful feeding tube, and then by looking after in this assessment care home.
I think there’s more going on in her brain. I’ve read extensively how Stroke can trigger Dementia. She is on medication for seizures too, but still has them when she’s very stressed.
Help!