39 and stroke 5 days ago

Hi onwards and upwards, I am very grateful for all of the details that you have given me as I feel sure that it all will be helpful to me as I try to find a solution to my pain.When all is back to normal re:coronavirus then I will persist more vigorously to find a cure.Many thanks again and keep safe and well.Regards Shar23

Colin, know what you mean.  It's surreal, isn't it?  Happened SO quickly too = FOR THE WHOLE WORLD!  Like having prawns etc as well, good for you.  Going shopping once a fortnight now, with my neighbour - 2m apart!  Hate the queues etc now, but needs must!  Peace Carole

Exactly what I was discussing early this morning. The crisis descended quite suddenly and it will ascend ever so slowly. I wonder if there is a parallel with the Spanish flu about 100 years ago. When I can tear myself away from this super sunshine I will start reading up about the dates.

The lovely picture of Carole on the rock is always nice to see. Where was that taken ? And being even more nosey, why the name space cadet ?

Thanks for keeping in touch


Indeed, time will tell how we compare with 100 years ago.......Limit myself to news in the morning, then the daily update at tea time.  Otherwise, dance, play music etc, would drive you mad if we listened all day, would it??

The picture was taken in Nice, France on my 50th birthday.  Went with a group of 3 great friends.  Friend, Sue, has a holiday home there, and it was just us 4.  Such a laugh!!  Am called Space Cadet, as that's what my boyfriend, Billy, who sadly passed suddenly in 2013 called me.  We both loved 'Star Trek'!  I still do!  Miss him tons, as we were childhood sweethearts, and met after I'd moved back to Scotland following my hospital stay and horrible divorce.

Home safe after a shop.  Won't be back there for a fortnight!  Stay healthy.  Always good to hear from you too.  Peace Carole

Sensible plan to restrict news watching. I must try harder on that one.

My goodness, a picture from Nice. I was imagining Scotland ! I now confess that I have enlarged your snap and yes its most defo not Scotland. And what a friend to have. Owns a place en France.

I must say it could easily be your 40th, you look so young.

Star Trek was so popular wasnt it. And three cheers to Billy for giving you such a memorable pen name. I will toast him tonight over the asparagus I grew in the garden and the macaroni cheese that Charlie Bigham and Mr Sainsbury delivered to my door.

Thank you for sharing those snippets with me. Especially welcome in these restricted times

Best wishes


Cheers Colin.  Please restrict your news watching - it only depresses you/us.  Why do they never tell us the survival rates??  More people survive this than die.  I think the media is trying to frighten us.  Did since Day 1 in Wutan, China.  Am not saying it's not serious, it is.  Just that we only need the facts, not repeat of the information all day long for God's sake!

Anyway, phew, thank you so much about darling Sue, Linda and Marie (we have all been good pals for over 30 years, since before my stroke - we used to work together then socialise!) and Nice.  My surname is Young, so Young by name, young by nature - as Mum says!!!!!  Can't believe I'm 55 now.  Everybody tells me I look about 40!  I'll take that haha!  It's all natural too, except for my hair colour LOL!!  I used the pic as it is such a happy memory.

Awwww bless you about my honey Billy.  Have our photo enlarged and framed next to my laptop.  We are so happy, smiling and hugging! Miss him tons.  We had our moments, but were mostly brilliant together.  Hope you enjoyed your tea.  I had chicken hotpot and a warm bread roll.  Probably get a chicken and mushroom pizza tonight.  Rock and roll haha!  We have to get little bits of happiness where and when we can, don't we?  Thankfully, being alone doesn't bother me now.  Am grateful when I hear some horrible stories on the TV = eek!  Poor souls.  Stay healthy guys.  Peace Carole 

You are right. I should keep "news" broadcasts to one each day.

I think the news media only tell you shock news. And the way they mix England then Scotland then England and NI is daft. Wales seems to be forgotten.

I think the vaste majority of Corona sufferers in fact recover, but no one knows.

I wonder if the scientists know anything more about this evil virus than they did at the outset.

It is very good that the three girls have stuck with you. Stroke changes us and so often friends and family simply drop out.

I thought I was the only person who made hotpots at home. I am poor at cooking but my hotpots are fine. Takes me all day, but so what.

Take care Space Cadet.


Best of luck cutting back your news!  Honestly, you will feel better after a few days of doing so.  Also feel the media forgets there are 4 countries making up the UK!!!!

Indeed, we will find out after all this, if they DID know more.............quite a scarey thought.  I feel that this has been a major boo boo!  Don't think they honestly felt it would get so out of hand!  Oh well.

Actually, about 10 friends have stuck by me.  Have met a few since too, including your good self!  My old friends say I HAVEN'T CHANGED in the long run, but like us all, have come through many battles both physically and mentally to 'come through the tunnel' and become who I was.  Albeit, with a balance problem.  Took decades too.

I didn't cook the hotpot, merely heated it up! Was Morrison's own! V well done you! Am not really a cook either, sadly.  Mum and sister are both brilliant.  Had delicious prawns in Marie Rose sauce for lunch.  Get a pizza for dinner, I think?

Love being called Space Cadet again!  Carry on!!!  By the way, Star Trek is still v v popular, with folk like me! Be well. Peace Carole

Colin, just had a stupid fall!  Was engrossed watching the coronavirus update on TV, and was startled when the buzzer went.  It was my pizza, which I'd ordered about half an hour before.  I fell headfirst, and thought I'd lost my front teeth.  The gum was bleeding but, thankfully, no teeth are loose - phew!

Jeez, I got SUCH a fright!  Didn't enjoy my pizza either!  Haven't broken anything, but my pride - yet again!  Hate being disabled, don't you?  I know we're lucky blah blah (as Mum keeps telling me), but she has NO IDEA what living with stroke is like grrrrr!  Be well.  Peace Me 

Hi Carole - hope you've recovered from your tumble.   The horrible thing about falling is the shock to the system - it makes us feel so vulnerable and shaky.  Then the feeling lasts long after the initial pain has subsided.  As you said in a previous post - maybe watching too much covid news coverage is bad for your health!  ?

I've been very reluctant to order any take away food (we are very remote, so nothing near us anyway), don't want to sound like an old nag, but just be careful - I've even been cleaning all of the mail as my husband is in the vulnerable category, think I'm being a bit too hypervigilant!!

I feel quite out of touch as we haven't been out since the end of March!  (My last trip out was down to London to collect my 83 year old mother, so that she can stay safely with us in Norfolk).  Friends tell me that it's very strange in the towns and cities, when they go to the supermarket, too empty and quiet.  I'm worried that I will have forgotten how to drive by the time I'm back in circulation (and I had just bought a new car about 3 days before lockdown, it's just sitting in the drive gathering dust ?).

Anyway, sorry for rambling on!  Take care honey-pie, and for goodness sake stay upright ??

Stay safe and sane xx

Awwww thanks babe!  Really appreciate your words, and advice.  Am not ordering takeaway for a while haha!  I live in a build up area, so think it is much easier here?  Where you are sounds lovely. Terrific that your Mum is there with you.  Brilliant.

Indeed, you have to stay 2m apart at the supermarkets, and QUEUE as they only let a few in at a time.  No traffic jams either, and hardly any traffic = it's surreal!  Our World War, you just can't SEE this enemy!  Most of us have to stay indoors too, very strange.

What a shame about your car, but you'll be able to use it soon, and will take to driving again in no time!  Never mind the car gathering dust, feel like we ALL are haha!

Trust you all stay well and safe.  Peace and thanks Carole xx laugh

 that must have been a huge shock, 

 yes it is completely fine to say "I hate being disabled" * I hate it too. a no amount of thinking I'm lucky that.. etc ever completely takes away that sense of grief.  I'm glad you didn't knock your teeth out, no I'm not going to say at least you still have your teeth!  anyway hope you are righting yourself after what must have been a  big shock. and I hope you can find something happier to watch with your next pizza!

keep smiling, and thanks for sharing 


It was Tony, thanks so much.  Didn't mean to offend anyone saying 'I hate being disabled', but you know what I mean?  Especially, if you have known what it was like being able.  Indeed, it's horrible constantly comparing how you were, to how you are now, isn't it?

Cheers for saying that about my teeth...............Going to keep them as long as I can haha!  Haven't got as many now, sadly, either!  Well, I AM 55!

Not planning any takeaways for a while, ahem.  Going to have a lovely chicken salad tonight, much healthier - and safer haha!  Thanks again and stay well.  Peace Carole x (Teeth!)

Dear Carole the Space Cadet

So sorry to hear of your fall and I regret not having been online since.

Falling post stroke is just horrid. You know you are going, brain wont work fast enough. panic panic. I always have an escape plan, the best one being to ensure I dont fall. I have a fork stuck in the ground when I go gardenning. Well I sort of tumled over, no panic, but realized I had backed up to the gooseberry bush. So I oculdnt reach out for my safety spade. I sort of wiggled backwards until I was a wya from the thorns and then just laughed. 

As time has ticked by I get better balance and more strength. It is so nice to be able to correct where my feet are, when I want to.

I do not like being disabled. As I am older, I guess its more acceptable. So pleased I wasnt a youngster like you, when the stroke got me.

Other people do not understand stroke. However much I bang my head on that perticular wall makes no difference. Others just dont get it.

It is another cloudless day down here in rural Essex. I have cut all the edges of the grass. Now exhausted.

I like takeaway food. But since the lockdown 5 weeks ago, I havent had any take away food. We have the best pizza shop at the other end of the village. Chinese in the centre of the village and a great fishncip shop in the next town. No MacDonalds but I will have to accept that. And no KFC. Fishnchip shops are  good in this area. But the burger bars are bad. And we have a top notch Indian restaurant, with take away option, but the spices no longer like me.

I would choose to have one takeaway each week. Perhaps that will return next year.

lots of love




Hi Colin

No worries, thanks for getting back to me.  Yes, I loathe not being in control when I fall.  Am mostly OK these days, but the odd fall still happens.  Broke my hip last Easter!

Glad you have an escape plan!  Also great that you wriggled away from the gooseberry bush and thorns!!  Indeed, being in a wheelchair was AWFUL, when I was so young.  However, I know I wasn't the only one, and many poor souls are even younger!  Using a walker now is much better, as at least I am upright and able to look people in the eye again!  It's also true that non stroke survivors just don't get it, no matter how they try!  How could they?  Mum, bless her, thinks she fully understands what I've been through, and how it affected me mentally.  NO!!  Am much better now, but those dark days and suicidal thoughts, will never leave me.  What I went through was like a nightmare on toast!  Unbelievable and frightening.

Good you have been out in the sun, working away, but shame you are shattered now!  Pleasantly so, I'll wager?  Yes, I like a takeaway on a Saturday night.  Whether Chinese, Indian or pizza = varies weekly!  Mind you, love fish and chips sometimes too!  Fab that you have a choice, in normal times anyway!  Hope you can get back to what you like soon, as for all of us!

Thanks Colin, and lotsa love back.  Peace Carolelaugh

good luck to you and keep on going. you have a a laugh about it yet. I think the big issue about acquired disability is that the survivor will remember how it was before the event and coming to terms with the new life is very hard indeed and brings up all kinds of difficult things. I guess that just accepting becoming disabled is a significant first step, it was for me at least, and I have been living with it now for 4 years. life is not how it was and I am still coming to terms with how it can be.  it is very much work in progress. I give myself plenty of treats, and would recommend that. you've survived a big event. the stroke and another one, your fall,  if not a pizza,  something to have fun with and enjoy.

 have a great day 


Thanks again Tony

Yes, it is very tough, indeed, to accept your new life.  I loved my life before, but never really knew it until it was ripped away, like you etc probably?  Am mostly OK, but the fall last night reminded me how fragile and powerless I am.  Hated that.

Well done you accepting your life now after only 4 years!  Tell me, am guessing you have a solid family unit?  I live alone, so think that is why I still can't deep down. Am constantly comparing my voice, writing and walking now (all of which were lovely, had worked hard on all throughout my young life) to life before. Nice one.  Think I'll have to get myself one or two more treats?  Thanks for that.  Enjoy the rest of your day.

Stay safe and well.  Peace Carole

Dear Carole

I love your turns of phrase..especially "nightmare on toast".

I got nightmares and sometimes night terrors.So realistic I didnt know which was true and which were dreams. But they have left me now. I also got hallucinations, apparently less common stroke after effect. I liked the hallucinations. My ward got a colourful ceiling of flowers and a great game was guessing who these unreal figurs were. Sometimes the tea lady on the doctors body and so on. I can laugh now.

I am waiting for my hospital appointment. I am in urgent need of a replacement valve. I will be at the Cromwell hospital, London. Very posh. But I wish they would hurry along. I get exhausted because I cant breath properly. New valave should sort it. Makes a change from stroke issues !





Thanks Colin!

Fab you got to see a ceiling ward full of flowers etc!  How lovely.  Am afraid, all I got in the early days was staring at the dull ceiling tiles, or looking at the clock. When I woke from the coma, I couldn't move or speak = really was terrifying and frightening.  Good you can laugh now about the visions.  My lasting problem is that I get dizzy when I glance forward or back, which I try not to these days.  Merely turn my head first, and then look!

Oh best of luck!  Please let me know when you can.  Are they in touch with you, or can you maybe remind them?  Sounds like it will be a great help for you and, correct, it makes a change from S-T-R-O-K-E grrrrrrr!  

TTFN Carolelaugh


The hallucinations were very nice indeed. I too was paralysd except I could use my right hand. I could speak, well just about stutter the odd sentence. I assumed I was going to be paralysed for life. I didnt know I might recover.

Then came the miracle. At 5am one morning I crawled to the bottom of the bed and got my feet on to the floor. Being December, it was a very cold floor but the joy of feeling that was wonderful. By the end of the day I was walking (staggering) out the ward and up the corridor. What an amazing feeling that was.

Is it your ears that unbalance you ? Or is it the sight being slow to react ? Both sight and hearing are likely to be affected by stroke. 

The hospital are in touch with me, but I do have to chase them. No one left in the hospital that can type letters and my contacts are now working from home. The offices are in Royal West Brompton hospital whereas I am going to Cromwell, just up the road. Roayl West Brompton has recently been given over to NHS Corona patients. Plus side is that I get to stay in the very posh Cromwell as opposed to the more average Royal West Brompton. I fi do revert to the NHS it will be Basildon heart hospital which apparently has private rooms for each patient. And its free !

I will let you know when I get a date and I will be in hospital for 8 days. Give or take. I have been told convalescing is an hour (what) or 6 months and everything in between. 

Keep cheerful. You light up these pages.